It’s the end of the year and you didn’t follow the advice I gave you in February. Auntie Yaa has been kokonsan patrol in your life matters, the way she has gossiped about you this year herh! You see how many weddings you went to this year? You see how much lace and ntoma you had to sew to attend those weddings? Even ugly Abrefi, that people thought would die single got married this year.
But you..hmm you were there hoping Keith will act right and stop telling people ‘yall are just talking’ and finally claim you. My friend, drop that boy and get serious. Maame you are party Jollof and must be treated accordingly.
After sitting down and looking over your 2016, you see things didn’t go well at all in the romance department. You have now reached high levels of desperation and gotten yourself a ticket to Ghana. You are finally going to find a GH man.
It won’t be easy. I told you not to go during Christmas. Christmas is for the big girls. Those girls that land at Kotoka and the whole country knows they are in trouble because the girls are here to turn things upside down. The girls with the designer luggage and heavy accents.
If you are in Ghana at the same time as this group you need to be sharp or you wont find a man, you will waste all that airfare, Malaysian hair that you put on the credit card and the money you borrowed from Money Mart to update your wardrobe on nothing if you are not careful. So you need to have a new plan.
You can still look at the guide from the beginning of the year but you have to be more intensive with your search. Maame y3 wild. It will be a competition. Akwasi might not notice you because Claudia from Italy, Sharon from the UK and Cynthia from the US are in town and that is too many options. You know these girls contour and highlight and you might be a plain Jane who uses nkuto on your face and Vaseline on your lips.
Regardless you must be shinning, you must stand out. Make sure your skin is glowing so when you are out and about you are drawing attention because of that glorious hue you have. Make sure your clothes look good. You don’t have to try and be seggzy if that is not your ministry, just look neat and nice. Smell good. Your hair must look great. If you wear weave/wig make sure your Peruvian/Himalayan unit is looking sleek and shiny. If you are team natural make sure your fro is looking luscious and healthy. Find a way to stand out in the crowd this season.
So what is the main plan? You must be out everywhere and at every event that is important. You have to be seen. As my fave Toke Makinwa says “A husband will not fall from your ceiling”. So Maame prepare to go out. In the morning you apply your full armor (hair, makeup and clothes) and set out to visit friends, go for breakfast at nice places, meet up with people for lunch at the beach, have dinner at an exclusive spot and at night attend a concert or holiday party. You must not sleep. Did you fly to Ghana to sleep? You went to Ghana to find your Kofi, make sure you are out and looking.
I know you are thinking ‘but I don’t have that much money on me to go to all the events’. Don’t worry. If you do things right and let people see what a wonderful person you are this won’t be an issue for the whole trip. You start off first paying for yourself to get into events and soon you won’t have to pay to go out. You will get invites. People will insist on paying for you because of your charm and beauty. So if you have a funky attitude I hope you left it in Canada. You have to charm people let them see how amazing you are. That charm will get you into many events and places where you can look around and find quality men. Like I said you must marry. Someone must carry drinks to your house as well. People must sew lace and kente and come to your wedding next year.
Ask friends to invite you to family Christmas functions. Make nice with the aunties, they all have a son or nephew they are trying to find a good wife for. Make that Auntie your new best friend, bring her a gift, offer to take her to the spa to get her nails done. Don’t think about the money in this case, this is an investment. You must become a member of her family by force.
Have fun while you are looking but use your mind and not your heart, she doesn’t know what she is doing, that’s how you met Keith. You are looking for someone responsible, caring, and well to do. Preferably someone who can fly you out to Ghana whenever you are missing them and bored in Canada. Only quality candidates should apply for the position of boyfriend/future hubby.
Don’t let the men sweet talk you. Don’t fall for the game. Remember I said there are Visa chasers, rebuke them. There are also married men patrolling for new girlfriends, that is not your portion. Be careful to not let the men use you like Christmas wrapping paper. Be strategic. Go to lunch with Kweku, not to bed, doing that will clog your judgment. You can’t fail on this mission. We must shame Auntie Yaa in 2017.