Thursday was my birthday and also this blogs anniversary. Last year I wrote this post and looking back you would think I was in such a horrible place but the reality was I had just lost my cousin and we were about to bury him. So my post came from a sad, reflective but honest place. Death has the ability to make you look at your own life and see flaws and mistakes in a different light. That post was my chance to be brutality honest with how I felt about my life and the direction it was heading at that age. For some reason in this world we put so much emphasis on numbers and if we don’t have certain things by a certain number we feel like a failure. I know I kind of felt that way when I wrote that post last year.
Last year was such a roller coaster ride with ups and downs. My grandfather died a week after that post and it crushed me. I honestly wasn’t sure how I would recover from that loss. The pain isn’t completely gone but with time it is easier to make it through the days. The great memories propel me forward all the time. I know my grandpa would want me to be happy and moving forward. Last year I learned that I could open my heart to others. For awhile I thought my heart was closed for business but last year I found out that I was wrong and I was able to be more open and transparent. In the last year I have gained more insight into what I want to accomplish with my life and that it is OK to follow my true passions even if they don’t look like everyone else’s passions and I am currently taking the steps in that direction.
In the past 12 months I have learned so much and wanted to share a bit of my journey with you.
I am still on a journey of living the life I have always dreamed of. For a long time I always wanted things to happen quickly. When I was little if you asked me how old I was I would say 5 years and 4 months. I couldn’t wait to be 6. I have always had a problem with being patient. At times I think I can be very impatient (where my life is concerned). But I have learned that trying to rush through life is not such a good thing. Rushing has me missing out on enjoying experiences and milestones. With rushing, you miss out on cherishing situations that you can’t get back. So I have had to learn patience and learn to enjoy the process. I’m not late or behind. I’m right on track with the plans God has in store for me.
I’m learning to be fearless. For me that doesn’t mean jumping out of an airplane or swimming with sharks. For me it’s doing things like this (writing) even when I’m scared. I told myself that I would write and post in fear in 2016-and beyond. Being fearless for me is doing the things I have wanted to do but fear of failure and rejection were paralyzing me from moving forward.
For my birthday I spent time with my mother (my fave person) and she was telling me how happy she was the day I was born. She told me how she had prayed and tried for years to have a child and was overjoyed when she finally became a mother and to hold me in her arms. On Thursday she said a prayer to God thanking him for my life. While saying the prayer she also thanked God that he saw her fit to be my mother and how much that meant to her. I always knew my mother loved me but to see her give thanks and praise for me showed how much I meant to her. Regardless of what situation I am in it is a great feeling to know that I matter to at least one person on this planet. And that really is all that matters. Fame might seem nice but to have someone that you truly matter to is what is really important in this life.
As I said earlier in this post I experienced loss in my family last year that was very painful. But it also taught me to cherish everyday and be grateful for the time I have been given. Everyday is a blessing. Good or bad there is a chance to learn something. Everyday is another chance to be grateful and try to make things right in your own way.
I’m more hopeful of my future and looking forward to what this year has in store for me. Each year I know I will get closer to my dreams.