Not Closer To My Dreams …But I Will Be

Some times it feels like I’ll never go pass here. Some times it feels like I’m stuck forever and ever. -Goapele, “Closer”

It’s my birthday today. I turned thirty today. Thirty is big. No longer considered a young person. My twenties are now behind me. It’s a weird feeling for me tho. I don’t feel thirty, and thanks to good genes and baby Jesus I don’t look look my age (young boys still approach all the time thinking im 24).

I was scared about turning this age because I don’t have my ish together the way people expect you to have your ish together by this age. I’m not working at the dream job, I’m not in the dream city I want to be in and I don’t have the dream husband and the 2.5 kids I thought I would have by now.

I felt like I was a failure.

I look around at other people and they have the nice house or condo, the great job and the cute family and I get a little bit envious. I just wonder to myself “Where is my little piece of happiness? When will it be my turn?”

But I have to talk to myself and reassure myself that if I keep doing my best and put my faith in God I will get to where I need to be when the time is right. Everything that is happening in my life is happening for a reason to prepare me for the next chapter in my life.

As I have reached this new journey and age of my life I have realized to be thankful and blessed where I am. Be blessed that I have been given life and that each day is a new opportunity for me to do something new in my life.

I may not have the dream career right not, but every “bad” job is taking me in the right direction and giving me the skills and life experience I need to be able to handle the dream career when it finally comes around.

Even though the “aunties” keep telling me I am too old and should hurry up and get married, I am thankful for not buckling under pressure and marrying the first guy that whistled at me. I could have settled and married by now, but deep down inside I knew I would have been miserable with that person.

I have had many times where I have thought of giving up on my hopes and dreams. Many times I have heard a voice saying “just give up, it wont happen any way”. But I thank God that I am alive and still have the drive and determination to get where I want to be. I wont give up no matter what happens.

The more I thought about it I wondered why thirty is the age where you are suppose to have all your ish together? Who started that idea? I decided to look at my life as not a race with anyone. I am the only one that knows what works for me and the kind of life I want. I can’t look at others and want what they have. I don’t know how they got the car or house (they could be in tons of debt) and I don’t know what that beautiful marriage looks like on the inside. People only put up nice photo shopped pics of their spouse but wont show you how hard it is to be married.

So my goal for this first year of being thirty is to focus on me and what I have learned in the last decade and how to use those experiences to propel me forward and live the kind of life I want to live on my own time line and no one else’s.

The great career will happen. The lovely hubby and cute babies with big cheeks will show up (God willing) when the time is right. Until then I will take it one day at a time and be the best person I can be. I’m going to try and start to enjoy the ride. And with time I will get closer to my dreams.

*smoochezz from That Gh Girl

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